After several doctors appointments and pre-ops Dave had surgery May 9th to remover the tumor from his back. Although he's ok for now I'm still worried, mostly about the unknown. I'm not sure I can mentally take another blow like this. We know he will get radiation therapy maybe as soon as next week.
He is having a hard time getting in and out of bed and he can't feed himself. I am not 100% better and I find it hard to climb into bed to help him get in or out. I'm not really sure how things will get better by Friday when I have to return to work. I guess I should make food for the day and have him warm it up.
His pain seems to be worse today and I can tell he's getting a bit restless. Maybe even a bit frustrated. It's not like him to be resting. And there really isn't anything for him to watch on the tele. He walks around the house going form room to room sitting down and turning on the televisions. He was in the family room this morning, he made his way into the kitchen to eat and walked back to the family room to stand in front of the tele and back to the kitchen to tell me he was "thinking about laying down" and walked back to the family. It looks like he's made it to the living room to watch a movie, we're I'm sure he will sleep for a few hours.
I have to go out and do groceries but I'm afraid to leave him home alone. I imagine the worse. I can see him on the floor of the restroom lifeless with no phone in sight. I don't even know how or why these thought get into my head. I also think about him being dead and me staying here behind to mourn him. It's just awful. I think it might have to do with my lack of hormones and of course menopause.
I sort of feel like us being together is nothing but bad luck. Either this is a test of our love or we really are going to die of cancer and this is the beginning of the end. I saw my oncologist and he told me my uterine cancer can come back even though my uterus is out. He said it could have gotten into my bloodstream and come back in my lungs or something like that. Because under a microscope that cancer will look like uterine cancer and not lung cancer. Great another thing to worry about. I'm quite sure that if cancer doesn't kill me the stress will.
I think I should start taking those pills my doctor gave me.